“I’m So Sorry” (A Love Note to Fandom)

By S.J. Tucker

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xspvTKR4eCE&feature=related

SJ sang this song in a house concert in February 2008, in the home of Phil Brucato, an award winning author and developer of role playing games.  Non-gamer Pagans might be more familiar with him via his music column in NewWitch magazine.

capo iv

                   C                          G

1.This… is… for…. all the lovely people who, as I travel far and wide,

D                                 G

Offer up their couches and their kitchens and their cats.

       C                            G             G   /F#   Em

Their bulging racks of DVDs, their Belder seasons 1,   2,   3

       D                           D       G        D7

Their inside jokes and references just to make me laugh

     C                                 G

You give me fodder for new songs, you listen and you sing along

     D7                                   G                G7

You share your homes and stories and you come to watch me play

             C                                   G          /F#    E

But there’s something I’ve been hiding, and its time that I came clean

    A7                           D              G

So shut your face and listen to what I have to say.

     C                     G

Oh, I’m so sorry but I’ve never seen Firefly

      D                                   G          G7

It’s called I’ve got a full life, and I never watch TV

        C                             G

Well I guess you’ll just have to get all your friends together

     D                                        G

And duct tape me down and make me watch Serenity

            C                     G

In fact I double dog dare you to try it while I’m sleeping

      D                                  G                G7

They call me Skinny White Chick, but I throw a mean left hook

          C                  G                       E

Maybe if you all unplug and try doing something for nothing

           A7                                 D     A7      D7

Get your heads out of Joss Whedon’s ass and read a fucking book

                  C                           G

This world would vastly improve and all your wishes would come true

                D                             G             G7

And they would never ever take your favorite series off the air

            C                               G                   E

Yes, I am speaking out for those of us who didn’t buy a plasma screen,

      A7                                 D7        A7       D7

But still lament the writers strike but don’t tear out our hair

       C                               G                             D

Our lives aren’t planned around what shitty networks give and take away

                     G                  G7

Not anymore, that’s why we turned them on, my darling

 C                              G        /F#         E

Buffyheads and Browncoats, you know this song’s for you

             D                                               G

And you can bet I’ll have my dukes up when I see you at the Con

           D                                                      G

You won’t pull me off the stage because you’ll be singing right along

2. Oh, I’m so sorry, but I don’t have any time to waste

I don’t do well with series or with all night marathons

You see if I need some continuity, I’ll find it in the rocks and trees

Instead of sitting on my butt with Buffy until dawn

Because I find real life much funnier than what’s only ½ an hour long

Fed into the cablebox from New York or L.A.

And now, YouTube is the exception, we all have our addictions

I feel completely justified so here and now I’ll say

3. That I’m so sorry but I’ve never seen Firefly

It’s called I’ve got a full life, and I never watch TV

I guess you’ll just have to get all your friends together

Try duct tape me down and make me watch Serenity

In fact I double dog dare you to try it while I’m sleeping

They may call me Skinny White Chick, but I throw a mean right hook

Maybe if you all unplug and go do something for nothing

Get your heads out of Joss Whedon’s ass—

you might move down a bit, its just not comfortable—

This world would vastly improve, all your wishes would come true

And those nasty men would never ever take your favorite series off the air (they wouldn’t dare!)

And Bush would already be impeached and the GOP

would have run screaming from the gate course, holy shit, they really care!

Our lives aren’t planned around what shitty networks give and take away

At any moment, why you can never turn them on,

Not anymore, that’s why we’ve never turned them on, my darling

Buffyheads and Browncoats, you know this song’s for you

I’ll introduce you to my bodyguards when we go to the Con

You won’t pull me off the stage faced with fists of Sven and John

4. I’m so sorry I don’t speak the code you’re speaking

You may think I’m relieved but kids I never had Clue

I do not own a tiny tardis nor a model of SG1

haven’t fixated on the Doctor since I was maybe 2

I love David Duchovny, now he gets to be funny

Now he runs in interspace time and place the most

Now robot chicken will occasionally hold all of my attention

But as for being faithful to one show all the time

Every week like clockwork, no regrets

I stopped with Castle Greyskull at the ripe old age of 5

And now I realize that for some of you my confession is not OK

So, in spite of Doctors Who and House, Californication,

And future… and 200 force…

I’m utterly compelled to say

5. Oh, I’m so sorry but I’m not watching Firefly!

It’s called I’ve got a full life, and I never watch TV

Oh!..

I guess you’ll have to try to duct tape me down

and make me watch Serenity

In fact I triple dog dare you to try that sh*t while I’m sleeping—

I hope you have insurance! My addition covers 2 million worth of damage,

and I can suit it for setting something on fire, like your home theatre, but I won’t even go there,

the results would make you very sad--

But our lives shouldn’t be planned around what shitty networks give and take away

When they’re just getting turned on,

And oh… all your wishes would come true

And they would never ever take your favorite series off the air

We could stand off global warming with our xray vision rings

We could stop every last war, and life would suddenly be fair

Because our lives wouldn’t be planned around what shitty networks give and take away

Not anymore, you might try turning them off for once in your life

Buffyheads and Browncoats, you know this song’s for you

And you can bet I’ll have my dukes up as soon as this song is done

This land is your land, this land is my land

From California to the New York Island

From Grandma’s tearoom to the cell phone tower

This land was made for you and me (to enjoy and not ignore!)

Instead of sitting around on your asses going:

O My God! Torchwood! For hours at a freakin’ time.

Save the cheerleader, and while you’re at it, deliver me

from Sarah Jane Christmas tree ornaments

6. Oh, I’m so sorry, I really feel your pain

But I simply tired of hearing your favorite show being gone

Because its steady swister, it was really pretty in the rain when I got it

Who cares, just leave it alone,

Well, there’s one thing that comforts me and that’s

I don’t have to listen to you guys going on and on and on

About Babylon Five anymore.

Still, our lives shouldn’t be planned around what shitty networks give and take away

Not anymore when we’re just getting turned on, right? Right!

Oh, Browncoats, never mind. Just never mind. I’ll see you at the Con.

You can be I’ll have my dukes up, and the size of my balls will never be in question

When I sing this fucking song, and you’re too busy now to kill me

Cause you’ll be singing right along!