The Trestle Foote Faerie

To learn more about Trestle and Celia

and purchase their CDs

go to www.celiaonline.com

To hear Trestle songs online, go to
http://www.myspace.com/thetrestlefootefaerie

All songs written by the Trestle Foote Faerie and her friend Celia Farran, used with permission.

Chords transcribed by Cernowain Greenman.

The Cell Phone Song


UKE chords-- C: 0003 G7: 0212 C7: 0001 F: 2010

C G7
1.Ah, recently I acquired a cell phone
G7 C
And I talked upon my cell phone all the time
C7 F
They- say- I might get brain cancer
C G7 C
Not have babies or maybe I’ll go blind
C G7
But I don’t care I simply cannot help it
G7 C
It’s worst than cigarettes or drugs or booze
C7 F
My friends say that I have a techno habit
C G7 C
Cause if I’m not wireless I sing the blues. Here we go…

C G7
CH: Oh how could I live without my cell phone?
G7 C
I simply fall apart without TV!
C C7 F
How could I breathe without my ipod?
G7 C
And I’d crumble to bits without my DVD

2, I’m so sorry I was a nuisance in your restaurant

It’s just to me I am the only person there

Well, me and my ex-boyfriend on the other line

If I bothered you I really just don’t care

I’m confused by all the many calling plans

So I asked Celia to explain it all to me

She said, “Don’t even try to understand it

Just call on nights and weekends cause its free!”

Here we go… (Ch)

3.When I’m driving I always try to use my headset

Then the phone rings and it tumbles to the floor

Then—Screech!—I almost got into an accident

Maybe I shouldn’t do that anymore

I just hate to pay for overtime minutes

So I set my cell alarm for 8pm

Then I talk and talk and maybe sometimes listen

Until I have to charge my battery again

It’s really Zen. (Ch)

Health Care Blues


UKE chords-- D: 2225 A7: 0434 D7: 2223 G: 0232

(rhythm: cut-time)
D A7
If you get sick in America, you’re screwed
A7 D
I do not mean to be so rude
D7 G
Everybody knows that the health care blows
A7 D
My advice? Start eating all organic food.
D A7
If you get sick in America, good luck
A7 D
Cause everybody knows the health care sucks
D7
They will prod you and will poke you
G
but they’ll never diagnose you
A7
When the bill comes you’ll be saying what the...


(nite: Chorus changes to 3/4 time)
D
Ch: So long, been good to know you
A7 D
Into the dumpster they might as well throw you
D D7 G
Don’t have a card? it’s the door they will show you
A7
This health care, this health care is
D
bumming me out.

2. If you get sick in America, I say
You might as well get on your knees and pray
If your problem is with yeast
Go consult your priest
He will cure you with twenty Hail Mary’s

If you get sick in America, you bet
You may die from all the stress and all the fret
Your insurance will deny you
By the time you walk the bayou
And you smoke that one organic cigarette

Ch: So long, been good to know you
Once in a while a bone they will throw you
Don’t trust the system cause they will just blow you
The health care, the health care is
Bumming me out.

3. If you get sick in American, too bad
Kiss good bye to all the savings you once had
You may rudely discover
your insurance will not cover
At your funeral we will all be oh so sad.

If you are sick with prescriptions you must fill
You are struggling just to pay your bills
Sell your car, sell your house
Live like a church mouse
While you’re jones-in' like a junkie for the pills

Ch: So long, been good to know you
Into the dumpster they might as well throw you
Don’t have a card?
It’s the door they will show you
This health care, this health care is
Bumming me out.
A7
This health care, this health care makes
D
Me want to shout
A7
This health care, this health care, oh,
D
What do we do?
A7 D
It makes a little pink faerie blue.

“The Hoo Hoo Song”
aka "The Dr. Bronner's Song"

UKE chords-- C: 0003 D7: 2020 G7: 0212 F: 2010 C7: 0001
Letters in (parenthesis) designate notes: play on string 2 at frets 3 (g) 2 (f#) 1 (f) 0 (e)

(g) (f#) (f) (e) C
1.Do, Do, Do, Do. Dr. Bronner’s makes your hoo hoo tingle,
D7 G7 C
Ladies you know what I mean
(g)(f#) (f) (e) C
Do, Do, Do, Do. You can always tell the folks that use it,
D7 G7
there’s a smile on their face and they always smell clean.
F C
Don’t let them tell you that its not OK,
C D7 G7
its personal hygiene and, oh, by the way,
C D7 G7 C
Dr. Bronner’s makes your hoo hoo tingle, ladies you know what I mean


(Chorus in cut-time)
C G7
Ch: I’ll get the Dr Bronner’s, you go get the wine
G7 C
Let’s meet up in the bathtub and have a real good time
C C7 F D7
I’ll scrub away your sorrows, you pumice all my pain
G7 C
Let’s meet back here tomorrow and do it all again


2. Do, Do, Do, Do. Dr. Bronner’s makes your hoo hoo tingle,
I use it ev’rytime I get the chance
Do, Do, Do, Do. Dr. Bronner’s makes your hoo hoo tingle,
it feels like a peppermint patty in your pants
Don’t let them tell you that its not OK,
its personal hygiene and, oh, by the way,
Dr. Bronner’s makes your hoo hoo tingle, ladies you know what I mean

Ch2: I’ll get the Dr Bronner’s, you go get the beer
Let’s meet up in the bathtub and stay there for a year
I’ll lather you with laughter, you clip my fingernails
Let’s meet back here tomorrow and forget all life’s travails

3. Do, Do, Do, Do. Dr. Bronner’s makes your hoo hoo tingle,
Makes you feel shiny and clean
Do, Do, Do, Do. Dr. Bronner’s makes your hoo hoo tingle,
It feels like your hoo hoo just swished Listerine
Don’t let them tell you that its not OK,
its personal hygiene and, oh, by the way,
Dr. Bronner’s makes your hoo hoo tingle, ladies you know what I mean

Ch3: I’ll get the Dr Bronner’s, you go get the tea
Let’s meet up in the bathtub and have a scrubbing spree
Your skin will start to pucker, my toes will start to prune
When can we meet again here, I hope it will be soon


4. Do, Do, Do, Do. Dr. Bronner’s makes your hoo hoo tingle,
Shower was never more fun
Do, Do, Do, Do. Dr. Bronner’s makes your hoo hoo tingle,
If you read the label it says “We’re all one”
Don’t let them tell you that its not OK,
its personal hygiene and, oh, by the way,
Dr. Bronner’s makes your hoo hoo tingle,
D7 G7
ladies you know what I…
D7 G7
ladies you know what I…
D7 G7
wish I could show you what…
D7 G7
ladies, you know what I mean!

I’m Not Homophobic

UKE chords: C: 0003 G7: 0212 D7: 2020 F: 2010 C7: 0001

(no chord)
one, two, ready, go...
C G7
My best friend is curious George
G7 C
He’s best friends with me
C G7
Til I fell in love with curious George
G7 C
But he didn’t fall in love with me
D7
He said he really liked me,
G7
but not in that way
G7
And it really blew my wings back
C
When I found out he was gay


C G7
Ch: But I’m not homophobic, how could I be?
G7
My best friend is bi-curious George
C
And-- look-- I’m a Faerie!
C7
To me a fag’s a cigarette,
F
a butch, a short hair cut
G7
If you are gender sensitive, go stick it up your
G7
Oh...

2. Well, George he took me to
A most amazing place
Where boys like boys
And girls like girls
Ten percent of the human race
He said, maybe I should try it
I said, Oh, well, OK
But I got scared when I dike on a bike
Said, Baby are you gay?


Ch: But I’m not homophobic, how could I be?
Love is love and love is good
So love everybody
To me light in the loafers
Should be sold by Dr. Scholl’s
If you have gender issues
Go and ram it up your
Oh………..
F G7 C
Ch2: Gay, gay, gay, it really is OK.
F G7
To be gay, gay, gay. Let’s celebrate!
(tacit…)
Everybody be gay! Cause,


Ch: We’re not homophobic,
How could we be?
Everyone loves rainbows
And we all share STD’s
Could it be so wrong
If everyone is so happy?
And the dike on the bike said,
G7
“If anybody bugs you
/F /E /D C
Have them come see me”
G7 F
And she will flatten you
G7
She’ll run you over
C
With her RV.
G7 C
Everybody be gay!

Phoebe’s Jesus

Hello, I’m the Trestle Foote Fairie, and this song is dedicated to my aunt Phoebe,
who is a very nice Christian, except she really isn’t very nice...
Are you ready? Good!

UKE chords: C: 0003 F: 2010 G7: 0212 C/B: 0002 Am: 2000 D7: 2020 C7: 0001

C F
1. Don’t mess with Phoebe’s Jesus, she gets flustered easily
G F C
And if you got a friend in Jesus, you’re a friend of Phoebe’s
C F
But if you breathe a word of Goddess or say Buddha is the best!
G F C
She grows horns, her eyes turn red and she will fight you to the death


C
Ch: But Phoebe’s Jesus is all good, and if you dare to disagree
G C
Phoebe’s Jesus will come down and he will smack thee-- upside the head!
C
But I am so confused ‘cause I thought Jesus was this dude
G C
Who taught love and tolerance unconditional
C
Nanana booboo, Nanana booboo, Nanana boo… boo


C F
2. Don’t mess with Phoebe’s Jesus ‘cause he is the Son of God
G F C
He is your Savior, he’s your Lord-- who doesn’t say so should be shot
C F
And you know she really means it by the furrow in her brow
G F C
If you speak his name in vain you will see Phoebe have a cow (Ch)


C F
3. Don’t mess with Phoebe’s Jesus ‘cause it really makes her mad
G F C
And to know your soul is bound for hell it makes her, oh, so sad
C F
From pearly towers she will pray for you lamenting your descent
G F C
And after five hardy Hail Mary’s, she will kick you in the head


F C C/B Am
Brg: I am so confused how the king of all the Jews
D7 G7
got to be so many different things to so many different people
F C C/B Am D7
Personally, I don’t believe all that I read, and you wouldn’t either if you
G7 G
ever had a story written about you in the local papers, but… (Ch)


C F
4. She is relishing the rapture of the year two thousand twelve
G F C
When she can quit praying for Pagans, they can fend for themselves.
C F
And while the Christians are escorted up into the holy land
G F C
You will char and burn and suffer with all your Heathen friends, but (Ch)

(tacit...)
Tag: Neener neener neener!

The Pussy Song

UKE chords: C: 0003 G7: 0212 C7: 0001 F: 2010

C G7
1. My pussy has a first name, its P-U-S-S-Y
G7 C
My pussy has a last name, its P-U-S-S-Y
C C7 F
I love my little pussy, I love her very much
G G7 C G C
You can look at my pussy, but please don’t touch
G G7 C G C
La la la la la la, la la la

2. I love my little pussy, I love that she is mine
When nobody is looking I pet her all the time
Maybe I’ll share my pussy and if you’re really nice
You can pet my little pussy but you can’t pet twice
G G7 C G
La la la la la la, la la…


C7 F C
CH: She’s my pussy, she’s the bestest pussy around
G7 C G7 C7
When you pet her, she makes a gurgling, purring sound
F C
She’s my pussy, she’s soft and cuddly and sweet
G7 C
When in trouble she always lands on her feet


3. My pussy likes to sing, my pussy likes to dance
I play with my pussy every time I get the chance
I stroke my little pussy and give her a tight squeeze
You can pet my little pussy but no pictures please
La la la la la la, la la la

4. My pussy doesn’t scratch, my pussy doesn’t bite
My pussy is nocturnal she can stay up through the night
She likes to play with catnip and with ping pong balls
You can paddle still my pussy but she’s got two paws
La la la la la la, la la…


CH 2: She’s my pussy, she’s the bestest pussy around
She can swim, she gets soaking wet but she’ll never drown
She’s my pussy, I’ll stay with her ‘til the end
She’s my pussy, she’s my bestest of friends

5. My pussy gets real clean, with a lot of licks
She can sit and beg, roll over, ‘cause I’ve taught her lots of tricks
She always does her business in the box
I love my little pussy ‘cause my pussy rocks!
La la la la la la, la la…

Ch 3: She’s my pussy, she’s way better than a pooch
She gets petted, her middle name is Coochie-cooch
She’s my pussy, she’ll always be my first pick
Her best friend is a wiener doggie named Dick
G7 C
She likes to play with Dick.

The Tickle Break Song

UKE chords-- G: 0232 C: 0003 D7: 2020 D: 2220

Oh, Oh, Oh...
G
1. When you’re day is poopy
C G
And everything goes wrong
G
Its time to take a tickle break
D7 G
And sing the tickle song


G
Ch: Oh tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle,
C
tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle
G D
tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle break
G
Oh tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle,
C
tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle
G D7 G
tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle, tickle break


2. Suppose you are too serious
And your butt cheeks are too tight
Its time to take a tickle break
And laugh with all your might

You’ve been a Debbie Downer
And you think everything blows
Its time to laugh until you pee
And milk squirts out your nose (Ch)


(G) C G
Ch2: Coochie coo, Coochie kee,
D G
laugh until you pee
G C G
Coochie coo, I’ll tickle you,
D7 G
until you lick the blues



3. Oh, when you’re on a deadline
And your boss is super stressed
It’s time to pin him to the floor
And have a tickle fest

You say you’re fighting with your ex
And the dog pooped on the floor
I’ll tickle you until you cry
Then tickle you some more (Ch)


4. If there is an accident
and all the cars are stopped
I double doggie dare you
To tickle to traffic cop

If your gut is tied in knots
Cause you cannot pay your bills
Its time to come to Trestleland
And take a tickle pill (Ch) (Ch2)

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Last Update on this Page

August 2009 ce

by Cernowain Greenman

Music by the Trestle Foote Faerie